March 12, 2026
Not Your “Other Half “: Transcending Love Norms
By John Myers
By Amanda Shea Hungria
“So plant your own gardens and decorate your own soul instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.” —Jorge Luis Borges
Scrolling through TikTok, I’ve noticed more than ever that Gen Z has been deeply resonating and sharing quotes from famous movies,singers, and even poets–Just like this Borges quote. But what is it that’s resonating with them ? The answer lies in the emerging self-love trend that is sprouting all over social media, especially among Gen Z. Some assert that it is killing romance, but I believe it’s a step toward overcoming outdated, harmful generational norms.
Many Gen Zers, including myself, have grown up watching romantic classics like The Notebook, How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days or The Great Gatsby—movies that would make you squeal in your seat, wondering when your time will come. Whether you grew up watching such classics, or hearing adult love stories, you’ve definitely encountered the expectation that one will “find their soulmate” and be incomplete without their significant other. For me, this was reinforced by family stories of relatives marrying at 16 to 20 and having kids before they finished high school. Growing up, I saw these stories as happy and fulfilling, but behind them were societal and familial expectations passed down through generations. These cultural narratives, echoed by movies, shaped a narrow view of love.
For some Gen Z these narratives have been mistaken for what love and fulfillment really mean.
Take The Notebook, for example, which romanticizes manipulation as passionate love. Or The Great Gatsby, which frames obsession and adultery as yearning for true love. Or How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days, which perpetuates misogynistic stereotypes. These classics reflect societal ideals that often prioritize women’s search for love over their own self-growth, portraying women as incomplete without romance, as if they have not fulfilled their “vocation.”
The harm in the word “soulmate” lies in the unrealistic expectations it creates, making couples possibly feel trapped due to this “love tie.”In 2023 AARP found that the divorce rate for individuals aged 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2010. By 2019, 36% of divorces in the U.S. involved people aged 50 and older. Unfortunately, these generations were the most targeted by this ideology. The idea that out there somewhere is your perfect match, but it puts pressure on relationships to be almost flawless, that with the “right” person, arguments should feel minimal and manageable because they know you, but that disregards the truth that we humans are not perfect or flawless. It might even justify toxicity and create tendencies to neglect attention to self-growth. Leading to more and more people settling then 30+ years in, then possibñy divorcing, because these numbers aren’t going down.
With over 39.2 million posts on TikTok under the hashtag #SelfLove, this movement challenges traditional ideas of what love is and what it looks like. Many express rather uplifting ideals like “the urgent need to love yourself and be your own source of happiness.” A 2023 Pew research study found that 63% of Gen Z adults have never been in a committed romantic relationship, compared to 49% of Millennials at the same age. This difference shouldn’t be surprising. Growing up in a digital world has allowed Gen Z to understand love in ways past generations misunderstood. Gen Z Creators like Brittany Broski (@britany_broski) tell us “Be yourself, unabashedly, and if you don’t know who you are, sit with that, figure it out.” Gen z are redefining love, making people feel less misunderstood, and teaching habits/boundaries crucial to building relationships that are healthy for us.
This redefinition is rooted in three pillars: The importance of communication, self-sufficiency and authenticity.
Gen Z is one of the most therapy aware generations, with 42% having received mental health treatment compared to 26% of Millennials at the same age. Open communication is a clear value, whether it be in platonic or romantic relationships. It’s focused on building spaces where problems or concerns can be discussed without resentment or fear. This openness extends to combat toxic masculinity and misogynistic norms—breaking free from outdated ideas of “being the man” or being “lady-like.”
People come and people go, but being sure of who you are and having your own back builds a stronger backbone for relationships as it can reassure your partners too. This can look like redefining older ideals where men are providers and women are dependent. Take Drake’s 2010 lyric:
The girls that got diplomas, and enough money to loan us
A lil’ somethin’ extra should we ever need it
This challenges the idea that self-love is killing chivalry; instead it emphasizes how independent women and supportive men can coexist to build stronger foundations.
Be yourself and hold onto your goals. Gen Z emphasizes holding onto what makes you unique, your goals and dreams within relationships. This slows the rush toward traditional milestones like marriage, allowing us to achieve personal growth, and allows for relationships that are free of resentment.
Gen Z is not rejecting love; we’re redefining it. By prioritizing self-love, communication and authenticity, Gen Z is breaking from outdated ideals. We are transcending into a world where love thrives off individuality and mutual support. As Jorge Luis Borges reminds us, start working on that garden and “decorate your own soul.”
